Managing Up
Why managing up matters as a software engineer and how to build effective relationships with your manager.
Hi Friends,
Welcome to the 125th issue of the Polymathic Engineer.
This week, we talk about managing up. In case you're not familiar with this concept, it simply means trying to establish the best working relationship you can with your boss.
Many software engineers are not comfortable with this idea because they feel it is unethical or manipulative. But that's not true. The point is not to make politics, try to get your manager to give you favors or to fight favoritism towards others.
Having a good working relationship with your boss is beneficial for both of you. In the same way your boss is managing you, you are managing your boss. It's more of a collaboration than instructions from the top down.
In this article, we will discuss the importance of managing up and guide how to do it effectively. The outline will be as follows:
Why Managing Up Matters
Understanding Your Manager
Communication Strategies
Building Trust
Navigating Difficult Conversations
Supporting Your Professional Growth
Special Circumstances
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Why Managing Up Matters
Building a good relationship with your boss isn't just about making things easier for you at work. It's a critical skill that can affect your whole career. Many software engineers only think about their technical skills. Still, even the most brilliant code won't advance your career if you can't effectively communicate its value or work well with those around you, especially those who make decisions about your future.
Having a good relationship with your boss affects everything you do at work. If you do, small mistakes are seen as chances to learn rather than character flaws, your ideas get more attention, your work gets better praise, and it becomes easier for you to grow.
Think about it this way: you don't think a friend is bad just because they're having a bad day. You wonder what's bothering them. The same is true for work relationships. If you have a good relationship with your boss, they'll trust you even when things don't go as planned.
Some engineers don't like the idea of "managing up" because they think it's dishonest or all about office politics. However, how you invest in this relationship is the same as how you invest in any other significant relationship in your life.
You learn what makes your friends and family tick, and you should do the same at work.
Your boss is also human with their pressures, preferences, and communication styles. Taking the time to understand these isn't about seeking favoritism—it's about creating the conditions where both of you can succeed. When you make your boss's job easier, you make your own job better.
In the following sections, we'll discuss building a better relationship with your boss, starting with something fundamental: truly understanding who they are and how they work.
Understanding Your Manager
Before building an effective relationship with your boss, you need to understand who they are as a person and professional. This is more than just knowing what their job is and what they expect from you.
Every manager has their own way of talking to people, preferences, and working methods. Some prefer detailed written updates, while others want quick verbal summaries. Some are morning people, others are more productive in the afternoon. Some want to hear about problems right away, while others prefer that you bring solutions along with the issues.
Learning these preferences is about being efficient and effective. If you communicate with your manager in a way that works for them, everything becomes easier. You get understood faster, your requests get processed more smoothly, and there's less friction in your interactions.
You can learn about your manager's style in several ways. The most direct approach is asking them: "What's the best way to keep you updated on my work?" or "How do you prefer to receive information—in writing, in person, or another way?" Most managers like this kind of care.
You can also observe how they communicate with others. Do they write long emails or short ones? Would they rather have planned meetings or quick check-ins? Their actions give us hints about what they like.
Another aspect to understand is your boss's strengths and weaknesses. Every manager has areas where they excel and areas where they struggle. They may excel at strategic thinking, but struggle with providing constructive feedback. Or they're excellent at managing stakeholders but get stuck in the details.
When you know these patterns, you can change how you do things. You can leverage their strengths and find ways to work around their weaknesses. For example, if your boss isn't great at giving feedback, you might need to ask more specific questions to get the information you need.
Understanding your boss's priorities is equally important. What keeps them up at night? What goals are they trying to achieve? What kind of pressure do they feel from their boss? Once you know what's important to them, you can make sure your work fits with their priorities and show how it helps them reach their goals.
The point isn't to change your boss or become exactly like them. The goal is to find good ways to work together, knowing that both of you will have to change things sometimes.